Eyes Open
by FinchelXForever
Summary: Rachel had been staring. And he appeared to be stunned, immovable, mute. She should say she was sorry but realised it would be a lie. She was most definitely not sorry... When Rachel meets Finn its lust at first sight. And eventually they find out that first lust may last forever.


_**This was the first story I wrote and I just found it the other day when I was going through old USBs. I thought I'd upload and finish it for fun. It has so many mistakes and point of view problems but I remember how fun it was to write.**_

* * *

 **Open your eyes**

 **All this feels strange and untrue and I won't waste a minute without you.**

August 2012

(i)

Rachel had never been more exhausted in her whole entire life. And she'd never been happier. Her daddy was a slave driver, pure and simple but she knew that he had her best interests at heart and wanted her to get used to the heavy work load college would bring. Rachel wanted to be a doctor, like her daddy, and although she was only working as a volunteer medical receptionist with her main duties being filing and organising appointments, helping to fill in forms and directing sick people to treatment rooms, she was learning so much through osmosis - and through gossip. Rachel wasn't the only receptionist - she was filling in for Marcy, who was on maternity leave but when Doctor Berry and Doctor Lopez advertised for a new employee it seemed the more salacious information you knew about the people of Lima the more likely you were to be hired.

Rachel understood that the average 18-year-old didn't want to spend the month before beginning college volunteering at a medical office but then she wasn't the typical teenage girl. She was a _highly dedicated_ and _super ambitious_ girl who worked relentlessly through high school to achieve a scholarship to Northwestern University to study medicine. According to Dr. Lopez, his own daughter, Santana had spent two months tanning and was soon returning from vacation in Mexico with her friends, so he was very admiring of Rachel's work ethic. Rachel didn't want to tell him that she was unbearably jealous of Santana. Not only was Dr. Lopez's daughter beautiful, but she had friends. Rachel's dedication and ambition tended to leave her alone, and horribly lonely. She had no friends.

Rachel may not have wanted Dr. Lopez to know about her friendless status, but he and Dr. Berry kept secrets from their daughters as well. The well-respected alumni had used their influence as two highly successful professionals (and a large monetary donation) to organise for Santana and Rachel to room together at Northwestern - although they had not yet divulged this information to their respective daughters. Rachel and Santana had never actually met - Rachel went to an all girls boarding school just outside town and Santana went to the local Lima high school. Their dads had formed a joint medical practice about 5 years ago - Dr. Berry was essentially a paediatrician, whereas Dr. Lopez's experience in general practice made them a formidable team that treated almost everyone in town. The hope was that Rachel and Santana, a law student, would bond in college over the shared Lima experience (technically this was a flawed plan as Rachel hadn't even spent a whole summer there since she was 12 and hated Lima with a passion.)

"Rachel, you can file these entered patient forms and go get our lunches now if you want." said Mary, interrupting Rachel's reading.

Dr. Lopez had been giving Rachel medical case studies during quiet periods and having her research the symptoms and effective treatment options. Rachel had been totally immersed in the difficulties of a 21-year-old female suffering from numb feet caused by diabetes. She picked up the medical journal, sighed and organised the records into her newly created filing system - Rachel enjoyed the structure and regulation of the patient record archives.

She went to collect her bag from Treatment Room 2, reading an article in the journal while walking down the hall - the staff always ordered their lunch from the same cafe a couple of blocks away and it was one of Rachel's tasks to pick them up. Rachel turned the handle, stepped inside the door and closed it behind her. Because of her interest in the diabetes article she completely missed the huge guy standing facing the wall, absolutely stark naked.

"Oh my," Rachel gasped as she glanced up.

Her sharp intake of breath caused the guy to spin around instinctively so Rachel was not only afforded a glimpse of an exquisite male ass but the part of the male anatomy she had only ever seen as a labelled outline in biology textbooks. She knew that the role of a doctor was not about judging the human body - it was just muscle, flesh and bone to be healed, but this boy, no, this man in front of her was literally perfect. His hair was dark and his eyes a whiskey colour, a stubbled, chiselled chin and jaw held tight. He had broad shoulders and a chest that tapered to his waist. There were lovely hollows and dips where his hip bones joined with his thighs. She enjoyed how the darker tones of his forearms compared to the white of his lower legs and ass. Rachel had heard girls laughing about the ridiculousness of a boy's private parts but for her it was love at first sight; the way hair snaked a trail from his belly button to blossom above his groin, the silkiness of his length, the neatness of the whole package.

Rachel had been staring. And he appeared to be stunned, immovable, mute. She should say she was sorry but realised it would be a lie. She was most definitely not sorry.

"You are beautiful," Rachel admired, honest. She wasn't much of a liar.

She appreciated the half smile that appeared on his face, watching a body blush start in his cheeks and move all the way down. The blush wasn't the only reaction he had to her words - she watched as the blood pulsed through his veins and he went from half hard to a full erection in front of her eyes. Her heart pounded in her ears and she was overcome with a longing to touch. She'd never seen something so amazing, and she was bothered as he gathered up his clothes to cover up quickly.

"Breathtaking," she panted, unfortunately failing to sound lustful, "You're perfect."

"Thank you?" he said, but it was phrased as a question. His deep voice shocked her to her senses and she was realised how inappropriate her actions were. She backed up, not taking her eyes off of his form as she scrambled for her bag that was hanging from a hook on the back of the door.

Rachel turned the handle again. She should apologise for intruding or staring or something, but she didn't. Instead she tried to convey her total appreciation and emphasised, "No, **thank you** ," before she slinked out, hoping no-one noticed her stealthy exit.

(ii)

Finn couldn't believe that a girl had called him beautiful or breathtaking or perfect. He'd been called hot before, even sexy, but it had lost its meaning when the person saying it was so drunk they couldn't even stand up straight. And this girl had no agenda - he'd never met her before. He had seen her face before though. She was framed 100 times over in Dr. Berry's office - through different stages of her life, from a cute kid to the pretty girl she was now. He thought back to when Dr. Berry has mentioned her name - Rachel, and how he'd told him she graduated school this year just like him. In one of the pictures she was wearing a Crawford County uniform, and Finn knew that was why he had never met her - they went to different schools.

It had taken Finn a few days to recover from the total body shutdown that had happened when he arrived back from Mexico. He couldn't believe the amount that Santana and Brittany could drink - they were tiny compared to him. Add in way too much sun and mild food poisoning and Finn returned to Lima worse for wear. Carole Hudson insisted that he get checked out by Dr. Berry, which was embarrassing because Finn thought he might be a bit too old to see his paediatrician - although Dr. Lopez was Santana's dad and he didn't want to see him either - too many probing questions.

Dr Berry insisted on giving Finn a full physical. Quite unnecessary since Finn was about to begin basic training and would be subjected to the same tests in about a week by army physicians'.

"It would still be good to have an independent opinion, Finn," Dr Berry lectured, "Just in case the army try to screw you over with your benefits."

Dr. Berry was big on speeches, and conspiracy. Finn thought he'd probably be pissed too if he was gay and the government hadn't recognised his relationship either to recently either- Dr. and Mr. Berry had been together for longer than Finn had been alive, and they had a family. Finn had been seeing Dr. Berry since he was eleven - he'd explained why Finn was waking up with sticky sheets and how sex worked, much to Finn's embarrassment, assuming the role of his absent father. Now, at 18 Finn was grateful for the easy relationship he had shared with the elderly doctor and he told him he'd visit him when he returned from his tour.

Rachel's sincerity had come at a perfect time for Finn because he'd been feeling shit about himself for ages. His last girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend and although Finn had forgiven them both, watching them together prepare for the birth of their baby was a constant kick to the groin. And then he thought he'd found salvation.

His redemption had come in the form of Santana, a cheerleader who offered to relieve him of his virginity - no strings attached. He still wasn't sure why she had asked him, but it hadn't been his best sexual performance and afterwards it spread like wildfire that Finn was crap in bed. Which resulted in a war of insults (instigated by Santana) that ended abruptly when Finn had had enough and questioned Santana's sexuality, whilst also implying she was a whore, in a crowded hallway where the barb had done maximum damage. This piece of gossip was more interesting than Finn's lacklustre performance and reached far and wide because not only was it scandalous, but it was true - Finn was perceptive (about the wrong things apparently) and knew about Brittany and Santana. The way they looked at each other was the way Finn wished a girl would look at him. He apologised profusely, and Santana forgave him eventually, but he constantly felt guilty about the damage he had done, even when Santana told him opening to her parents was liberating and now she was free to live her life. He and Santana had become clandestine best friends and spent a lot of time together lamenting their restrictive town and planning their escape.

Finn spent the rest of his time in high school struggling to graduate. He had decided to join the army because his dad had been in the army (and he didn't know what else to do). Most girls had avoided him because of his shitty reputation and he avoided the others and was perfectly happy that way - too busy running to improve his fitness or lifting weights to up his strength. Puck decided to follow him to the army too and Finn was happy for the company on punishing workouts, although if anything this drew in more girls for Puck. They both had a week left in Lima and Finn's mom and step dad had agreed to host the farewell party at their home. For the first time in a long time Finn was feeling good about himself and positive (maybe a little bit anxious) about his future thanks to Rachel Berry and her simple words, lustful eyes, and slight voyeurism problem.

(iii)

Rachel had never been to a school party before, but she'd also never seen a naked man before either, so she thought it could be a week of firsts. Her dads had told her about how the Hudson-Hummels had two sons and they were both leaving home and they were excellent people and the party would be chaperoned. They had been surprised about how easy it was to convince her to go.

"You're really going?" her Daddy asked, doubtfully.

"You are right, Dad. I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and experience new things. I leave for college in a week and should become accustomed to taking risks," Rachel told them, but she didn't mention anything about her desire to see the boy from the surgery.

She knew he'd be there - this was going to be a huge McKinley party and Rachel had recognised a McKinley letterman jacket on top of the pile of his clothes on a chair. If he was an athlete, he would be popular, and they always attended parties. She didn't want to speak to him, but she needed to absorb him into her memory before she left Lima forever. He could be her dream. Once he was sufficiently memorised she would come back home. Her dads were leaving for a 'cancer conference' - her retired dad accompanying her daddy because they were desperate without each other, and after a brief appearance she could return home to continue packing up her room in private.

The party house was within walking distance and Rachel enjoyed the crispness of the air and how dark it was in Lima because without city lights and pollution the stars were twinkling. She heard the music noise before she saw the cars lining the streets. People were sprawled on the grass in front of the house in different stages of undress or intoxication. Rachel wasn't planning on drinking - she knew alcohol messed with your memory and she needed it intact. But as she entered the house a red cup was thrust into her hand and she impulsively took a sip of the sweet, fruity liquid. Enjoying the rest, she placed the empty cup on a clear surface and began her search.

Finn wasn't drinking, orders from Dr. Berry after the Mexico debacle, and his elevated height meant he saw Rachel when she walked through the front door. Kurt handed her a cup and Finn laughed to himself because it was barely 8.30 and Kurt was beyond wasted. He winced as she downed the entire cup - it was strong (spiked, of course) - and then she scanned the room, looking for something. Finn ducked because he was so much taller than everyone else and he didn't want her to see him - spying on someone was pointless if they knew you were watching them. She kept walking, forcing Finn to keep moving to avoid her but his mission was thwarted when Puck got hold of him.

"What the fuck are you doing, man?" Puck slurred drunkenly.

"Nothing, dude," Finn replied, trying to wrench himself free of Puck's stronghold hug. Unfortunately for Finn, drunk people always seemed to be possessed with super human strength and Puck wouldn't let go.

He started professing his love for Finn in a muddled, smashed person way. "You know I love you right? You're just my best friend man and I don' know but I would do anythin' for ya man. Ya know I would right?"

"Yeah, Puck, of course," Finn finally extracted himself from Puck's grip but had lost his girl. Shit!

Rachel had found her guy at last and observed as an extremely inebriated man accosted him. This gave her the ideal opportunity to spin around to the back of the room and find an excellent vantage point at the top of a staircase, where she rested her head against the bars. He freed himself from the drunken, mohawked man to move around the room, stopping to chat occasionally, but he looked agitated and restless when held up by his friends. She had the perfect position to view his movements, which were a bit clumsy at best. He never stopped to dance and looked a little disappointed as he finally gave up his search and headed into another room. Rachel was unsure what to do - he might stay in the other room which meant she'd be pointlessly stuck up the stairs or she could shift her position and continue her surveillance. The decision was taken out of her hands when he wandered back into the big room with a bottle of clear liquid and weaved his way through the room straight for the stairs. That's when Rachel realised her mistake - she had no escape route. Wherever she moved downstairs it would require her to pass by him, which was not in any of her contingency plans. And she couldn't continue up as the idea of sneaking around a stranger's house was abhorrent. She was stuck and decided to stay where she was. It was dark, and he might not even recognise her.

Finn was pissed at Puck. His inconvenient declarations of bro- love had lost him the pervy girl. Annoyed, he disappeared into the kitchen to get a drink. Finn saw his mum and gave her a smile and a hug. She had been crying non-stop for days about 'losing' her boys and this had greatly affected her chaperoning skills. He grabbed a water from the fridge and decided to get a start on packing up his room. He'd had enough partying after Mexico, but was glad Kurt was letting loose and making the most of this well-earned treat. A quick glance around the room and he knew the girl had left. He tried not to be disappointed because really, what did he want from her? He should've told her he thought she was beautiful too, instead of saying "Thank you," and standing there like a (naked) jerk. As he climbed the stairs, his girl stood up on the second top step so they were eye level and he smirked and said, "I've been looking for you. I'm F...".

Rachel didn't want to know his name. It would ruin everything so instead she mashed her lips to his to stifle whatever he was going to say. Her tongue traced his bottom lip, seeking permission to enter his mouth and he moaned when they met. She tasted like strawberries. Rachel disengaged and stepped away, making a spontaneous decision, and spouted off a vaguely rehearsed fantasy speech.

"I don't want to know your name. I'm not going to tell you mine. I really don't want to know who you are or what you do, but I do want you. Not here though. My house is close. Do you want to come over?"

Finn didn't tell her he might already know her name, or about how he was a patient of her Dad's. He definitely didn't say that he knew where she went to school. Instead he put his water down on the step, held his hand out to take hers and let her lead the way.

(iv)

Finn thought he should definitely tell someone where he was going. What if Rachel was not only a voyeur but also a serial killer? But he didn't want to spoil the silent spell she has weaved around them. Also, she was tiny and he could subdue her easily. They walked along the footpath, dodging the cars that had been parked haphazardly by partygoers, still holding hands in silence. Finn didn't know what to say because anything he might tell her may be something she didn't want to hear.

"I'm scared about the future," Rachel said quietly and she realised this is exactly how she felt in this moment. "I'm personifying you."

"Do you mean objectifying?" he asked. "My brother tells me all the time that Pu.., this guy I know objectifies women, which I think means that he's a giant perve, right?"

"Yes, that is what objectifying means. But personifying is giving parts of your body human characteristics. Like how I saw your legs and I thought about how sturdy and earnest you must be. Or how I believe you're passionate and romantic based on your..." she paused and blushed, "your business."

Finn blushed too, and Rachel can't believe she was willing to be so candid.

"What does personifying me have to do with your future?" he wondered.

"The future is scary! Your body makes me feel safe. I wasn't worried about anything when I saw you naked. Or thought about you naked. And now that I'm with you I feel so calm," Rachel explained.

Finn was flabbergasted. He was not sure he understood exactly what she meant but it felt good to be spoken to this way. As if she thought he was smart enough to understand what she is saying.

"Ok," he says simply.

Rachel is thankful for his simplicity and how easygoing he appears to be and then she tries to get her mind to quieten down because she doesn't want to know anything about him.

"I'm a virgin," she tells him, "In case you didn't realise where this is heading."

"I'm practically a virgin too," he admits.

"Practically is not the same thing as completely," she informs him. "Before today I hadn't really even kissed a guy."

"But you've kissed a girl?" he asks jokingly, and she laughingly barked out a very un-Rachel Berry like, "No!"

The change from a serious mood to fun only lasts a few minutes because they arrive at the Berries' house. Finn had been here before with Puck - to clean their pool but he'd never been inside. Rachel unlocked the front door, without dropping Finn's hand and led him up her stairs and into her room wordlessly. Finn may not be allowed to tell Rachel anything about himself, but her room tells him plenty about her. It's mostly pink but there is a lot of sunshine yellow too. She has packing boxes sitting in the corner, not unlike his room and he can tell she must be moving away to college. Thick textbooks piled on her desk must mean she's studying something hard. The musical movie posters on the walls (Grease, West Side Story, Wicked), the Playbills' attached to her mirror, the huge pile of records leaning against a turntable mean she must like music - Finn is almost glad Kurt has consistently lectured him on 'Broadway Divas and the plays they starred in' because it's a clue to what she likes.

"Can you play that piano downstairs?" he asks, as she lifts the shade on her window to let the moonlight shine in.

"I'm not telling you that," she smiles. "Maybe..."

He lays back on her bed leaning against the headboard and grins at her, "Worth a shot."

She removes her short jacket, opens her closet and places it on a hanger. A neat freak. It's an easy assumption as her closet is colour coded with skirts, shirts, jeans, and pants all grouped together. There are many more skirts than other items of clothing, although she wore jeans to the party. She sits on the bed, her ass grazing his hand as she unzips sexy leather boots and puts them away. She shimmies her tight jeans down her legs, folds them and places them on her desk chair.

"I want to wear them tomorrow," she clarifies, "Shopping."

Lastly, her black top was removed, and she disappears into her bathroom. She has done it all so simply but for Finn it was like the most erotic striptease ever. He's been semi hard on from the time her hand slipped into his during the walk to her house, but it aches painfully when she crawls onto the bed and straddles him in her light blue matching lace underwear. Rachel takes control because she's been dreaming about this since she saw him naked earlier that day and she figures she is the aggressor in this situation, wanting no misunderstandings about what she desires or her consent. She unbuttons his plaid shirt one handed while cupping his chin in her other hand and running her thumb along his bottom lip. Rachel has a strong belief that her dexterity will prove to be an asset as a doctor and lover. She pushes the checked shirt from his shoulders and smoothes the undershirt over his head, her hands brushing upward against his skin in a slow torturous movement. The button pops on his jeans and he lifted his hips, so she can drag them down.

They kiss slowly, his tongue in her mouth gently, nipping at her lips and then sweeping across her teeth, sending sparks shooting straight to her centre, causing her to unconsciously grind against his groin, seeking relief or pressure or something she is unsure of. He bucks his erection into her and she moans out loud. Finn doesn't think he has ever heard such a melodic sound.

Her mouth moves to his neck, her tongue tracing the pulsing vein, placing open mouthed kisses on his fevered skin as his hands run up and down her spine, making her shiver. Finn strokes her hair, wrapping its length around his hands loving how soft it is, how it hangs in a veil around his face where he can smell her shampoo. He closed his eyes, trying to learn the scent.

Rachel slides her body along his, committing his landscape to memory with her lips, fingertips and tongue. Soap pervades her nostrils, he tastes so fresh and clean. She learns he is quite ticklish along the sides and giggles when he begs her to stop. Gasping when her kisses reach his thighs, he tries to drag her back up to kiss her mouth. Carefully she clasps his hands in hers and raises them above his head.

"Don't move," she orders, and his cock twitches because he thinks she might be going to do something he jerks off to constantly.

"You don't have to," his mouth says, becoming a complete traitor to his brain.

Shaking her head no, she says, "I want to."

He props himself up on his elbows because if she wants to do this then he most definitely is going to watch. Rachel grips the elastic of his boxers and slips them off without touching his dick and settles in between his legs, resting her ass on her heels. She gently runs her fingers along the length, and then lowers her mouth and repeats the action with her lips and tongue. Rachel doesn't know if she is doing this right, but she lets the sighs, moans and "Oh God!"'s be her guide. She takes him into her mouth and his hands thread through her hair, gripping tightly, pushing it out of her face so he can see what she is doing. The rhythm she creates, the random strokes of her tongue and then the humming drive him crazy. Her hands twist up and down following the route of her mouth. Then she swallows, and he can feel her throat constricting around him while her eyes flick up to look straight into his.

"Oh God," he spits out, tamping down the desire to scream her name, "I'm gonna come..."

She doesn't let him pull her away; in fact, she speeds up her movements and unbelievably takes his load down the back of her throat. Puck has told him girls hate blow jobs and like swallowing even less. Maybe he died in Mexico and had gone to like pretty girl sex heaven or something?

"Was that okay?" she asks smiling and resting beside him. She caresses his hair - she always touching him he notices.

"A pretty girl, whose name I still don't know just gave me my first blow job. I'm fine," he replies, amazed.

Rachel laughs and decides that they can know each others' names - that won't make this any less exciting or impulsive.

"I'm Rachel," she sticks her hand out for him to shake.

"Hi Rachel," he grins, grabbing her hand, "I'm Finn."

(v)

He is so glad she let him tell her name because her breathy "Oh Finn" moans are definitely forever stored in the back of his mind for later use. The decision to return the favour is turning into one of the best Finn has ever made - he hates not knowing what he is doing but finds that, like Rachel, paying attention to her movements and noises teach him quickly what she likes and what to repeat. Exploring her body, giving her attention and studying her terrain is as fun as receiving. He'd never made a girl come before but was a frequent (often unwilling) student of Puck's love lessons and he knows the theory.

He forces himself to go slowly, sliding her bra straps down her arms, while kissing her neck. His palms against her back lift her towards him so he can undo the clasp. Mimicking Rachel, he uses his fingertips and tongue to taste her skin, exposing her breasts. Her nipples pucker under his thumbs and she writhes and bucks underneath him while he alternates between sucking and licking and pinching. Rachel can't stay still - the sensations are too much, and she shakes with overwhelmingly, never felt before desire.

Kissing his way down her thighs, he tries to work out the logistics of what he wants to do. He kneels on the floor, and places her at the edge of the bed with her legs bent, baring her pussy to him. Rachel is slightly embarrassed but pushes that thought away - equality and feminism and all those things, right? Using his fingers, he spreads her and runs his tongue down her slit, collecting the wetness that had pooled there. He strokes her with his tongue and fingers forcing her to moan and whimper. Finn loves that she is so vocal- it's a great help, and music to his ears. His finger edge inside her opening and she groans, as he pushes it further aided by how wet she is. Another finger joins the first and his tongue finds her nub as he maintains a constant rhythm.

"Finn," Rachel cries, "Please don't stop."

Finn speeds up his fingers at her words and grins against her as he feels her spasm around his fingers, breathing heavily. He removes his digits and sucks on them, watching her pupils dilate. He picked her up bridal style, arms underneath her shoulders and butt and placed her head back on her pillows. Out of his jeans, his wallet held a condom that he'd never had the opportunity to use. Once he found it he placed it next to the pillows.

He hovers over her and she pulls him closer, kissing him, tasting herself on his tongue. Their hands are frenzied, as if they both know time is running out. Rachel wants to touch him everywhere and Finn loves the smoothness of her skin. Their kisses grew sloppy, as arousal takes up space in their heads, lessening their expertise.

"I'm ready," Rachel tells Finn and watches as he rips the foil package and sheathes himself.

"I don't want to hurt you," Finn confesses, lining himself up at her entrance.

"It's inevitable," Rachel replies, shrugging.

He pushes himself inside slowly and growls at the tight, warm, wet sensation surrounding his cock. He watches as pain skitters across her face. Trying to distract her with kisses as she gets used to the feeling, Rachel began running her hands up and down his back, encouraging him to move without words. As he begins thrusting, Rachel kisses his neck, his cheeks, his eyelids and wraps her long legs around his back, lifting her hips to meet his. He should try to get her off again but it's just a matter of minutes before he comes, spilling into the condom.

"I'm sorry," Finn cringes, but Rachel just replies, "You're wonderful. Thank you." He pulls out, removing and tying the condom and goes to put it in the bathroom bin. When he gets back she is wearing his checked shirt, which is like a dress on her and looks infinitely better draping her body than his.

"I'm going to get ice cream. Stay there."

Rachel knows she should be panicked. This is the only decision she has made so impulsively in her whole adolescent life. Usually she would refer to pro and con lists, advice from daddies' or teachers, and the internet to help her to be responsible. She knows she will throw reckless Rachel away tomorrow and return to the reliable and predictable person she always has been. This is sweet and satisfying temporary madness.

Finn takes her ice cream absence to slip his boxers back on and spy. Flipping through the top textbook he sees an abundance of complex words and diagrams of organs. Rachel is following in her daddy's footsteps - a doctor or surgeon maybe. Her scans her bookshelf - many titles are novels he was supposed to read in English and he can tell from her tattered copies she has read them. 'The Catcher in the Rye' has highlighted passages and arrows and notes in the margins. She must be super smart. He opens Spotify on her computer - she literally has hundreds of songs, from too many genres to specify a favourite type of music. Footsteps on the stairs send him scurrying back to her bed.

"I've got Chocolate Peanut Butter and two spoons." Rachel is pleased with herself.

She sits cross-legged on the bed facing Finn, eating the ice-cream. What is something she can ask that won't be too invasive?

"What does your future look like?" she questions him. He gives it a lot of thought, probably because it's difficult to explain without identifying specific details about himself.

"I guess I want to be successful, find someone to love, and have a family," he says, embarrassed at his simple plan.

"That's awesome," she beams. "Exactly what I'd like."

They share all the ice cream talking about dreams, jobs they'd like if they weren't going in their current direction, where they'd like to travel, kids names they like... Anything future related.

"My alternative dream would be Broadway. I would be a big star, not particularly for the money but because I love music and performing so much," Rachel tells him.

Finn wants to ask why she doesn't try for it, but the question will immediately be nixed like all follow up questions he asked. Maybe she can't sing or act, or her dad's might not have wanted her to do that.

"Then my alternative dream would be a drummer in a world-famous band. Maybe not U2 famous, just rich enough to buy stuff I want and to travel the world," Finn counters.

"Can you actually play the drums?" Rachel asks.

"Veto," Finn answers cheekily, getting her back for putting the kibosh on his questions.

Finn doesn't think she realises that she is sharing so much about herself. Although they don't talk about friends, or family or school - that stuff was in the past anyway, they are both about to face their futures, so that's really all that matters.

Rachel lays on her side, yawning and Finn follows her lead. "Yawning is contagious," he tells her.

"Actually," Rachel begins to tell Finn physiological reasons yawning happens but stops, not wanting to give herself away, "You're right."

He just stares into her eyes, while she gazes right back. It's reassuring and easy. Comfortable. He is slightly bitter that he won't ever see her again. Finn had lived in Lima his entire life, and he'd never met Rachel. He'd known her dad since he was a child but never been introduced to Rachel. Why couldn't he have met Rachel?

"I wish I could keep you," Finn declares honestly and she giggles.

"Maybe we will meet again," she tells him, "We won't say goodbye, let's leave it up in the air. The universe will do its thing and we might be together again one day."

"The universe?"

"You know," explains Rachel sleepily, "Kismet, destiny, fate. All of that."

Rachel falls asleep in his arms and Finn knows with a certainty he could love this girl. Watching her sleep is peaceful. Finn knows Rachel, he wants to know more and, even if she thinks she was being someone else tonight, her true self was transparent and ultimately perfect. Although she was initially attracted to him because of his looks, he didn't feel used and thinks this girl might 'get' him. He glances at the clock, shocked at the early hour - he's been with Rachel for a little over six hours. If he doesn't go home his Mom will worry - but Puck or Santana would have lied and said he was asleep or driving someone home. Finn decided to leave Rachel in his over shirt, because she might not want a reminder of him, but she seems sentimental and might like the memory of her first time. He re-dresses and locks the front door on the way out. Jogging home to keep warm, he grins at the cyclonic like destruction of their front yard. He is greeted by Santana swinging back and forth on their porch. He sits next to her and she leans over, resting her head against his shoulder.

"You've lost your shirt," she observes.

"I surrendered it to an angel," he says truthfully. Santana gives Finn her 'What the fuck!' look, but she is too tired for snappy comments or snide remarks.

" Good night?" she asks.

"Great night!" he laughs.

 **I need your grace to remind me to find my own**

September 2012

(i)

Rachel was pissed at the paternal interference into her college rooming arrangement. The whole point of college was starting fresh, where no-one knew her, and no reputation held her back. Santana was beautiful, so obviously she was popular back at her high school and Rachel thought she that would translate into being a college super star, amassing friends and activities and sorority pledges. And Rachel didn't want to talk about her past - clean slates would be smudged if she dwelled on her awful high school career.

But the facts were that Rachel had already gone away to boarding school and was independent, whereas Santana had her immediate family and apparently a maid called Consuela throughout her high school years. Rachel ignored Santana's snark, took the initiative and taught Santana how to organise her meal plan, when to do her laundry, and the best times to use the communal bathroom. She set up a dorm study group with all the law and medicine students in their building and used all of Santana's course guides to create a personalised and colour coded timetable listing when to start each task and how long it should take according to weighting plus assignment due dates, readings and tutorials. For someone who had barely had a mother Rachel thought she was proving to be extremely maternal. Because of Rachel's incredible organisation skills and obvious care and concern for her welfare, Santana decided she liked Rachel even if Rachel was a bossy, high energy psycho. When her bitchy confidence returned she hardly ever spoke to Rachel meanly or sarcastically, unlike nearly all her other friends. Rachel's studious nature was revered in college and because of her friendship with Santana lots of people asked her for help with assignments or how to organise their own schedules. She quickly realised she'd never left old Rachel behind - but at least here people appreciated the boring Rachel. It turns out the only time she took an impetuous risk was when she met and subsequently spent a night having sex with Finn.

After about four months in college Rachel had attempted to audition for a performance group's staging of Les Miserables. The group putting on the play allowed her to audition but then the director (pompous jerk) told her that with her crowded schedule she couldn't possibly dedicate the appropriate time to the play. Rachel argued but left unsuccessful in changing the mind of the director. It had been her first failure in the college environment and left Rachel extremely vulnerable.

"Fuck them!" Santana told her, "They don't know what they are talking about."

"But I was always given the leads... I just thought I was good enough," Rachel sobbed.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" asked Santana, "Misery loves company."

"No thank you, San. I will have company in the form of Barbra Streisand, and if that doesn't work, then The Notebook should." Rachel replied.

Santana had a 'date' with the Residential Advisor of their dorm - which Rachel knew meant sex, and which was against the university rules. The old Rachel would have complained to the correct authorities about the rule breach, but many conveniences came with Santana being 'involved' with the RA. Firstly, RA Holly had completely ignored the fact that Rachel and Santana had a microwave and bar fridge in their room. And when Rachel found her own room occupied Holly let her stay in her double room, which had its own bathroom. Lastly, she overlooked the fact that common room study sessions quickly became alcohol fuelled truth or dare gatherings every Friday night. It didn't matter that Santana consistently confessed her intense love for Brittany, her McKinley High sweetheart to Rachel, because she vowed to never mention her to Holly, too unwilling to give up a good thing. Rachel was embarrassed she had become an accomplice to dormitory skulduggery in return for occasional central heating and uninterrupted, private showers but she did get quite the thrill from such amoral behaviour.

Rachel didn't tell Santana, but that night she just wanted some privacy to feel better about the play debacle. She wrapped herself up in Finn's left-behind shirt which was her emergency comfort garment, often viewed but never washed. Only in very dire situations it was worn because Rachel didn't want it to deteriorate too quickly - the vivid memories calming her and reminding her that she was greatly valued, even for a small period. And she most definitely doesn't tell Santana that pleasuring herself while wearing his shirt makes her orgasm so much stronger - the truth being that before Finn she didn't even touch herself because she'd never seen the point.

Rachel made popcorn in the contraband microwave, enjoying the comforting fake buttery smell. She sat back on the bed and pressed play on the laptop, as a half-dressed Santana burst in their room.

"I just need to get...something," Santana giggled, opening her bedside drawers and pulling out a much-loved brand of lubricant.

Rachel reddened with embarrassment, remembering the uncomfortable conversation she'd had with Santana about why she needed such a product.

"That's ok," said Rachel, "I haven't even started watching yet."

"Poor Rachie," pouted Santana, kissing the top of her head. She turned to leave but stopped suddenly, noticing a serious anomaly with Rachel's outfit. Her usual pyjamas were all penguins and kittens, but this is obviously a man's shirt. "Where'd you get that shirt?"

"A friend," Rachel's face, already tomato-red, now looks like she is suffering rosacea or hypertension (Santana knows both diseases give you a red-face because she helped Rachel study for a pop quiz).

Santana has seen that familiar plaid pattern somewhere before, but it can't be possible. Rachel has not hooked up with anyone or she'd know, so it must have been before college. It looks like something Finn would wear. Could it be Finn's? But when or where would have Rachel met Finn? And why would she have his shirt? This all seems vaguely familiar to Santana. Finn has been emailing Santana infrequently, which she doesn't blame him for because he was God knows where (maybe Georgia?) but he kept it basic - how hard training was, that the food sucked, how much of a douche Puck was. Nothing about girls or sex, which she was incredibly grateful for. Santana recalls a conversation with Finn about a shirt stealing slut (her words, not his) during one of their last mornings together as a group of friends. But the next day despite a constant barrage of nosiness he hadn't elaborated about his conspicuous absence from his own party, just saying he'd had a great night. But Puck, Santana and even Kurt knew his annoyingly chipper mood meant he totally got laid. Was Rachel his 'angel'? And if she was, why was Lima so disgustingly incestuous?

"A good friend?" Santana emphasises 'good' with finger quotes so even Rachel, with her innocent ways gets her meaning.

"Maybe," Rachel cringes, not because she is embarrassed but because she never wanted to have this conversation. She'd even opted out of drunken truth or dare in case it came up. Someone might attempt to cheapen her most real experience.

Santana realises that she's pushed Rachel as far as she would go for now. But she decides to regroup and come at the problem from a different angle. Studying law had whet Santana's appetite for investigation and the truth. And her sneaky nature means she can easily hide it or get it from someone else. She can't wait until she can start making money from using her natural instincts.

"Okay." Santana vows to crack Rachel's stronghold lock over her love life.

(ii)

Rachel notices it as soon as she walks into the room. A framed close-up picture of Santana and Finn in red graduation robes and mortarboards, beaming smiles and cheeks squished together. The hyperventilating sets in after about 10 seconds and Rachel isn't sure why. Are Santana and Finn involved? She really thought Santana was a lesbian.

"What's this?" Rachel manages to choke out when Santana saunters back from a shower.

Santana smirks and inwardly cheers. Rachel and Finn made the 'beast with two backs' - Rachel had recently forced Santana to watch an awfully acted rendition of Macbeth and this was her favourite quote. That idiot director should have let Rachel be Lady Macbeth.

"It's a graduation picture. That's one of my best friends from Lima. Finn. Do you know him?" Santana passes the frame over to Rachel for a closer look. She watches as Rachel studies the picture, absorbing every detail. Subtly, Rachel ghosts her fingertips over the Finn portion of the picture. Santana is amazed at how well Rachel keeps it together handing back the picture shrugging.

"I think Finn was a patient of my Daddies'. I must recognise him from there," Rachel deadpans.

Liar, thinks Santana.

(iii)

Santana is ashamed of this but once upon a time she didn't treat Finn very well. But then his retribution pretty much settled the score, and all was forgiven. She used his 'popularity' to quash lesbian rumours by 'stealing' his virginity. She thinks of it as stealing because Finn is this sappy, romantic dude, which isn't her cup of tea but whatever and he probably would have saved it for someone equally as maudlin (maybe even Rachel). She knows what body spray he uses because she was drenched in it after their sex 'mistake' (that they'd promised to never speak of again). So, the next step in her 'Crack Rachel' plan is to deviously start spraying it around their dorm room.

Rachel thinks she is going crazy. The photo of Finn and Santana causes her insides to squirm with jealousy. They were obviously good friends - but Rachel wants to be the girl who knows him best, even though their connection may be being exaggerated on her side. And now she smells him in her room; or at least his body spray, because Rachel remembers that this spray mixed with the scent of musk and male and sweat transformed the scent of that body spray into something special, something uniquely Finn. Despite the freezing Chicago weather Rachel starts sleeping with the window open and consequently contracts bronchitis. Santana feels so guilty, but she knows something weird went on between Finn and Rachel and she can't let a few setbacks (or viral infections) stop her from discovering the truth. But she feels repentant enough to buy Rachel take away organic vegetable soup from a nearby restaurant and doesn't comment on the use of a humidifier deemed necessary for Rachel's recovery.

(iv)

Her last move before confronting Rachel about her Finn-relations requires a bit of effort. Santana emails Mr Schue and asks for him to send her the mash up that Finn and she performed for their music class. McKinley never had enough people in Glee club to enter any competitions, but they occasionally sang for charity and fun. After promising to return to Lima for the holidays Mr Schue emailed the digital recording. Santana waited until Rachel started feeling a bit better but still not well enough to escape the dorm quickly, without it seemingly like she had something to hide.

"Hey, Rach," connived Santana, "You like music, right?"

"Yes, I do. Which you already know as we have had many discussions on the topic. You dragged me to that awful open night at that bar that was only redeemed by the Sapphic melodies of the final twosome. Plus, you've seen my expansive Spotify library. And you understand the only reason I can stand Holly is because she can sing," Rachel says, showing her tolerance for pointless questions is at an all time low.

Santana doesn't mind that Rachel doesn't like Holly - she is just a warm and perk laden body. Rachel understands Santana's true love and soul mate will always be Brittany.

"A simple yes would have sufficed, but okay, listen to this. It's a mash up Finn and I did in High School. It's awesome."

Rachel wanted to protest. If Rachel had to listen to Finn's voice she would be propelled with desire and longing. First his face, then his smell and now his voice? That was fine but what she was more upset about was that his taste and touch would not be replicated so easily, and they were her favourite Finn senses.

"Okay," Rachel flinched and lay back on her bed as Finn's smooth baritone and Santana's powerful voice washed over her. She listened carefully to the song trying to use her musical talent to analyse the elements of the song and the voices but found they complimented beautifully and Rachel doesn't want to cry because although it would be cathartic, it would also be pathetic. She spent one night with him - and naturally people feel attached and connected to their firsts, but she barely knew anything about him! Rachel felt lucky that she knew Santana because her friendship with Finn would always entangle them all in a complex messed up way.

The song finished, and Rachel found the only comment she could give was, "That was really great, San."

Losing interest with her role in this psychological thriller and now impatient for subtle tricks Santana sighed and states, "You fucked my friend Finn, didn't you?"

"Yes," Rachel replied, defeated.

Santana listened carefully as Rachel described meeting Finn at the surgery (Rachel left out the whole naked man bit) and then coming to the goodbye party and seducing him away. Santana was mostly pissed about the hour she wasted searching for Finn for his Mom when she could have been eating Brittany out. She listened in part horror (because it was Finn!) and part amazement (how could she still be hooked on a one week stand?) to Rachel's story.

"And you just left it like that. No goodbye or contact details? You only know he is in the army and he has no idea you're here with me?" It seemed so unlikely and not at all like Rachel.

"Yes," Rachel declared, "I wanted it that way. It was purely carnal because he was just... lovely. I don't want to ruin my memories knowing details about what he was like then. So please don't tell me. It was this fantastical meeting that I can keep forever and now it's over."

Santana winced at Rachel calling Finn lovely - ugh! but respected Rachel's wishes.

"Fine, Rach. But maybe you should find someone else if you're still holding on. I just need to tell you - Finn can be a complicated guy and is a bit of a goof but it was special for him too you know. He never said anything about that night except that you were an angel. And even though he was leaving Lima he was like the jolly green giant for that entire week. It was sickening."

"Thanks, San." Rachel held onto the angel comment like it was a precious gift.

 **Tell me that you'll open your eyes**

July 2014

(v)

The next year and a half passed by as a blur for Rachel and Santana. The practicality of studying medicine meant Rachel had no time for anyone. She was exhausted, stressed and extremely skinny. Rachel was the queen of multi-tasking and previously believed that a balanced life was imperative for a healthy life, but time was like sand through a sped-up hourglass and all Rachel seemed to do was study and spend time on the elliptical at the campus gym, with a highlighter in her hand and a textbook on the machine's computer. Everything was done with her books next to her. Although she did have a social life - study groups and lab partners were her friends.

Santana had headed home for a few of the different holidays, but Rachel only went home for Hanukkah, where she repeated her college routine at home and got a head start on her reading wherever she was (the gym, laying by the pool, in front of the TV). Her Dad's worried about her but they knew that Med School was hard, and Rachel had been getting excellent grades, acing exams and keeping up with her assignments so they couldn't say anything.

Because of both girl's successes provided their Dad's such pride and bragging rights they agreed to let them move off campus which was a huge relief for both since Holly had moved on from the RA position and the new girl in charge was not only mean but slightly homophobic. It may have sounded silly but the loss the girls had felt over their banned microwave and fridge was palpable. Their new apartment was spacious, with huge bedrooms, a private bathroom shared by only two people (instead of 12!) and most important of all it had a proper kitchen! Rachel loved to bake, and it was an excellent stress reliever for her. They were further away from campus than the dorms, but time was saved by not having to queue for the bathroom or at the cafeteria, or being distracted by friends, or scolded by the new homophobic R.A. Santana watched as the dull, washed out girl Rachel had become sparked back to life - still busy but now also high energy and enthusiastic.

Santana even talked her into taking a night's break, entering a karaoke contest at the local tavern to reconnect with her musical roots (Rachel loved that kind of schmaltz), which she'd won, thus developing a love of bars with this kind of shtick. Santana was a fantastic entertainer too and their duets were a complete hit. They turned Whitney Houston songs into performance art and chose raunchy songs that lent themselves to dirty dance moves, getting every straight male's or lesbian women's blood boiling. They researched karaoke competitions and traversed Chicago, making money to split between them. Of course, Rachel organised it all, researching the prizes and locations. And she didn't let it get in the way of her school stuff.

Unfortunately it was during a karaoke competition at their campus bar that Rachel reacquainted herself with Brody, the pompous director that refused to let Rachel into his play even though she was most definitely the most talented actress that had auditioned They started dating much to Santana's chagrin, but Rachel had never overtly complained about Holly so Santana was forced into subtle digs, eye rolling and sarcasm.

"Will Brody douche Weston be over tonight?" she often asked, earning a scowl but no reprimand from Rachel. Douche was interchangeable with so many insults, and many other creative name puns. His arrogance was annoying, and he constantly argued with Santana about everything, despite Santana's legal knowledge and ability to structure verbal arguments within seconds. His technique of continual repetition of the same point was frustrating but Santana just concluded her argument and left. They both always thought they'd won.

Rachel entered a relationship with Brody out of necessity. She had to stop thinking about Finn and Santana was the one who told her to find someone else - over a year ago! Sometimes when Santana wasn't home Rachel would lay on her bed and look at all the pictures that Santana had framed; and most of them had Finn in them - they were best friends after all. Her favourite was one of Santana, Finn and Brittany on the beach in Mexico. She also liked the one of Finn in his army uniform.

So, Brody was his replacement. Brody and Rachel had lots in common - Broadway, acting and performing were all passions of theirs. He clearly was second best - but he never pressured Rachel for sex and was more into lecturing about Lupone, than lust. They had one standing date per week (dinner, movie, make out, hand job, send him home) and he was fine with that. He never offered to reciprocate with the whole orgasm thing though - Rachel thought that was a big indication not to sleep with him at all. He also never asked about her studies ("Blood grosses me out.") or talked about the next part of her Degree - into the 'real' Doctor stuff. Brody also criticised her clothes and the scrooge didn't believe in buying presents for any holiday, including someone's' birthday.

"She doesn't love you, you know," observed Santana casually, on date night when Rachel was downstairs paying for the Chinese food delivery.

"Just because she doesn't say it doesn't mean she doesn't feel it," Brody smiled winningly. He was incredibly conceited and believed his own rhetoric.

"She doesn't say it because she doesn't feel it, dick face," Santana retorted. "She tells me she loves me all the time. If she loved you then she'd give you all of her. She's not a virgin."

Brody looks confused. "Really, I thought she was like into Jesus and stuff and waiting for marriage."

"She is Jewish, you fucking idiot!" Santana explodes. "She'll fuck me before you get inside of her!"

"Are you jealous or something? Rachel's heart is big enough to love both of us, whore," replied Brody condescendingly.

"Rachel's heart is a soldier, fuck wit, and while you attempt to capture it, it keeps marching on," Santana waxes army lyrical.

"Oh, so you're a poet now," Brody is strangely impressed.

"Nope," Santana says, "It's the truth."

She walks away without any further insults or information because Rachel would kill her if Brody asks follow up questions. But deep-down Santana knows that Brody won't say anything to Rachel about this conversation - he is too scared it might be true. She can't believe Rachel has put up with Weston's crap for 7 months. It makes her smile to know she hasn't put out to him though. Really, it's ridiculous and Rachel must be able to see it. She 'isn't ready' to sleep with him, yet she seduced Finn after like 6 hours or something. Rachel should trust those instincts because Finn is twice the man Brody is (quite literally – Brody's tiny, Finn's tall). Santana knows it can't be hard to break these two up but she doesn't know exactly how to do it.

(vi)

December 2014

The army is nothing, yet everything he thought it would be. The devastation that is wreaked in a small province in Afghanistan, where Finn works as a peacekeeper, destroys him every day. Because of constant infighting and terrorism and political factors that are hard to understand Finn has spent the last 2 years here. It's hard not to become attached to the little kids running around the village, or be shattered when one of them steps on a landmine and is killed, or worse, left with an injury that will cause them pain for the rest of their lives.

It's fucking overwhelming when they lose someone from their platoon. That's a shitty way to say it - its fucking overwhelming when one of their platoon is killed, murdered by the enemy. Everything they are doing seems so pointless when there is a death and Finn constantly finds himself questioning their effectiveness here. These people, the ones fighting for freedom, or religion or whatever are never going to give up their futile fight. It's fucking depressing. But Finn finds hope in the kids smiles, enjoys his limited time with Kate, a Medecins San Frontieres doctor from France and is pleased Puck feels so good about his decision to become a soldier.

The irony that Kate is a doctor doesn't escape Finn. Their relationship is purely one of convenience (sex, obviously). Kate, who is a fair bit older than him always wanted to define their relationship, but Finn doesn't want to get to know her - paradoxical to his relationship to another girl with the ambition to be a doctor. He thinks about Rachel constantly, not surprisingly the perfection of that night is never surpassed with Kate or Amy or Hannah - girls here are purely for comfort and to forget the horror. Rachel was so pure and clean - everything here is murky.

He is glad for the emails from Santana, and Kurt and his Mom. He is able to contact them regularly and is so proud of Santana's achievements at college. And that Kurt's foray into fashion scores him a job at . His Mom is promoted to Head Nurse at Lima Hospital, and Burt is campaigning for everything that is good and fair in Washington. The world turns without him and he is glad.

Suddenly the two years are up and his platoon are travelling back to the US. They have two months at home and then they have to go on another 2-year Tour of Duty because four years is the obligation. Finn would have wanted to go back anyway - he is an excellent soldier. He bids farewell to Kate, who is inconsolable because she knows this spells the end of their association. Santana freaks when he tells her he is coming home.

"I'll be back in Lima in a week. You coming to visit?" he asks offhandedly.

"What. The. Fuck!" Santana screams, "You have to visit me. I need to show you Chicago. You need to hear me win karaoke and see where I'm interning. It's classy as fuck. I will show you the best time - except not in the sex way."

"Where will I stay?" he asks, although money isn't really a problem. Not much to spend your salary on in Afghanistan.

"With me. I live off campus, remember?" Santana reminds him. She knows she mentioned it in an email.

"Don't you have a roommate?" asks Finn.

"Yeah, but she won't mind," Santana answers, tongue firmly planted in cheek, "She is a real angel."

(vii)

Rachel is excited to meet Brittany. Santana has told her so much about her, including the fact that she is working as a cadet reporter for the 'Lima Times'. Apparently Brittany has excellent 'people' skills and her 'Fondue for Two' interview pieces and 'Dear Brittany' column recently added to the paper have increased the sales numbers remarkably. She is coming to Chicago under the guise of interviewing Rachel and Santana for a successful exports of Lima type feature article - with lots of pictures apparently. Rachel has been baking up a storm and ensuring their apartment is spotless in preparation. They have never had guests before, except for Brody and he doesn't stay overnight. Rachel doesn't want him to.

Santana can't stop grinning. Brittany and Finn coming to visit sends her spirits soaring. She is also pleased with the fact that this will be the last week that Brody Weston will be in their lives. She keeps grabbing Rachel and dances her around the kitchen or living room or either of their bedrooms. You could say that she is being overconfident about Rachel having a positive reaction to Finn, but Rachel sleep talks and the word 'Finn' is one of the only decipherable words. They both have a break coming, except for Rachel's practical workload at the hospital and they can't wait for Christmas. Santana has bought Rachel a very expensive stethoscope - and small gifts for all the days of Hanukkah. Their Dad's are visiting them this time because of Rachel's dedication and obligations at the Hospital. So, a week with Brittany and Finn, then a week with their parents. It's all turning out perfectly.

Santana picks Finn and Brittany up from the O'Hare International Airport in the early afternoon and drives them back to their apartment. Brittany falls asleep on the drive back because apparently paid work is leaving her exhausted.

"Sanny, baby," she moans, "Being a star reporter is so hard! I gotta stay up all night to look out for the 'seedy underbelly' of Lima. Lord Tubbington is absolutely no help on a stakeout. "

Santana loves watching Brittany sleep, but she has so much to share with Finn. She doesn't want to surprise Finn with Rachel because she imagines that can't be an ideal situation for someone who has lived in a war zone. They chat about college because Finn doesn't seem to talk about his experiences and she doesn't blame him. He looks older, and world weary.

"I've got to tell you something," Santana says.

"What?" Finn jokes, sucking down coffee. "You and Brittany are getting married? Or you've been editing her newspaper articles, so they make sense? Or she's pregnant? Or even worse - you're pregnant?"

"God, no!" Santana laughs. "It's about my roommate. You already know her. She's Rachel Berry. Or as I called her, Shirt stealing slut. I believe you called her an angel?"

"Holy fuck!" Finn starts choking on his Star Bucks.

"I don't call her that anymore!" Santana pats a choking Finn on the back with one hand still on the wheel, "I love her now. She's all kinds of awesome. She's studying to be a doctor and works so hard. And she is kind and generous. Fucking bossy and super hyper but loveable. I know about you and her," explains Santana.

"We've been emailing for 2 years and you never told me? Fuck!" Finn is shell shocked. "Does she even know I'm coming?"

"No, not specifically."

"She doesn't know about us, does she?" asks Finn warily.

"No, idiot. She never wanted details about you and I'd never tell her that. She likes to keep warm with her memories of you,"

"I'm a completely different person Santana. Not the same guy she remembers. I'm more... experienced..." Finn trails off, hoping Santana will understand the point he is trying to make.

"It's fine, Finn. I'm not expecting anything to happen between you two but she will be happy to see you again. Anyway, she has a boyfriend."

The blood drains from his face. She maintains a relationship with someone else. Their ethereal connection meant nothing then - he is the same stupid guy after all he thinks. "Oh."

"But don't worry," Santana rubs his arm reassuringly; "She doesn't love him."

"How do you know?" he asks bitterly.

"Because dick brain," Santana attests, "She fucking loves you!"

(viii)

Finn thinks he might vomit. He is so overwhelmed by the fact that he gets to see Rachel again. So many questions run through his head. How will she react, and how should he? She has a boyfriend and he can't hold that against her – he has slept with other people. But he has never loved anyone like Rachel – which he realises is ridiculous. An instant connection, love at first sight are all such dubious concepts. Except after they had sex they'd talked for 4 hours. Intense discussions, not small talk. And then they spent the best week of his life together. Santana tells him that Rachel and Brody aren't affectionate at all. That they don't behave like lovers. Finn finds it hard to believe because from the moment he met Rachel they were linked by hands or mouths. How could someone be with Rachel and not want to touch her?

Rachel is at work when they arrive at their apartment. Finn spends an inordinate amount of time staring at pictures on hung up on every wall. He guesses where each picture was taken and then asks Santana to tell him about it.

"Where are you here?" he asks.

"Oh God," Santana replies, "That was us at Sugar's Halloween party this year. I'm dressed as Catwoman – I look sexy as fuck, right? And Rach wanted to go as like a freaking ghost or princess or some shit, but I wouldn't let her. We made her this Britney Spears school girl outfit and damn, did she look hot! But every dipshit guy kept hitting on her and she was so pissed at me. So, I spiked her juice with vodka and she accidently got hammered. We made out during a juvenile game of spin the bottle! Best party ever – worth the weeks' silent treatment!"

"Jeez San!" Finn is wide eyed and strangely aroused at the thought of his Rachel kissing Santana but moves onto the next photo. "What about this one?"

There are none of her and her boyfriend. It seems weird considering they have been dating for a while. Brittany crashes out again on Santana's bed. Apparently being a reporter wears you out. Santana is desperate to lay with her and Finn insists he is fine watching TV and eating the cookies Rachel has made to herald his unexpected homecoming. Finn is bleary eyed too. He had been wired when he first got back but a week with his parents in Lima, then a week with Kurt in New York, now travelling to Chicago has left him exhausted. The anticipation of seeing Rachel is rushing through his veins and keeping him awake. Santana lets him into Rachel's room but tells him firmly, "Do not touch anything."

He is awash with déjàvu of two years ago when he crept around spying to discover any details he could about Rachel. She has two framed pictures of her with her dads. Another one with a very similar looking woman - maybe her Mom, and one with Santana at a different non-dress up party. She has a desk that appears as organised as it did years ago - weighed down by even more textbooks. She hasn't bought the many novels that had lined her Lima bookcase, but she has the turntable with more records stacked beside it. She has an expensive pink laptop. A French styled shabby chic armoire that is locked is placed next to the desk and he wonders what she has inside, protected from prying. He has the skills to break in but not without ruining the piece. (Finn had scoured New York City with Kurt for a very similar one to dress a fashion shoot while he was there. Kurt lectured him on design styles and trends and Finn didn't complain because no-one wanted to hear about Afghanistan, aside from what the weather and geography was like. Also, apparently Kurt never got time off work even when his brother was in town and really appreciated having someone to chat with about his incredible work because his boss was a complete bitch and hated everyone.)

Her dressing table was covered in girly things; perfume and a variety of brushes and coloured palettes. He sprays each of the perfumes into the air to see if he can match the scent closest to his Rachel but they all diffuse and mix and make him sneeze. His Rachel didn't smell manufactured or fake like perfume anyway. He doesn't dare go through her drawers because that would be completely creepy (and Santana would never forgive him for being the ultimate perve.)

He lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. It was spacious and comfortable and he wasn't used to it at all. After all he'd spent two years sleeping on the rocky ground or barracks bedding. His Lima bed was too small for him and Kurt had him sleeping on a fold out bed in his shoe-box apartment. He doesn't want to pull a Goldilocks in Rachel's room, but the mattress is just right, and the smell of her hair is on her pillows and he is just so tired that he closes his eyes and drifts off.


End file.
